Near as I can tell life on planet Earth is mostly about taking care. Taking care of our families. Taking care of our friends. Taking care of the work that we take responsibility for. Taking care of our homes, taking care of our possessions, our animals, our gardens, our plants, our cars, our water, our air, our land. Our churches, our communities, our cities, our roads, our poor, our sick, our wounded, our frail and elderly.
Taking care of ourselves. Taking care of ourselves physically. Taking care of ourselves mentally. Taking care of ourselves emotionally. And taking care of ourselves spiritually. Yep, I’d say that pretty much covers life on our planet for we human beings, and it certainly reflects my experience!
Now how we go about that is endless in its possibilities. As varied as the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, the plants in the forest. And notice they are all taking care as well.
If I ask myself what is the central principle behind this endless and perpetual taking care, I’d have to say life itself. Life reaching towards life. Life ensuring life continues. That essentially is the drive behind it all, is it not? Each and every living thing on planet Earth is hardwired for doing well, for keeping the whole thing going, for perpetuating life. The lengths various species go to ensure their sticking around boggles the mind. As we are caught up in our own individual dramas and the illusions (and grandeurs) of our sense of separation, it is easy (and convenient) to forget what the essential driving force behind all this is. Truly there are beings walking planet Earth thinking it was about them. “What? It’s not about me?” Well, it is. You and over six billion other people and a several billion other species. It is humbling to contemplate when we take the time. And the distorted ways in which some of us choose to take care of ourselves and others are absolute abominations, there is no doubt. But often underneath the aberration one could find this slender thread of life’s longing at the core, hard as that might seem. What would our lives look like if we consciously brought the value of taking care, of nurturing to the fore? How would aligning ourselves with that single focus impact our lives and the lives of others? If we acknowledged fully our intrinsic programming to care and nurture for all that came within our view, our path, our neighborhood, our own small radar, what impact would that accumulative shift have on our larger reality? Jesus said to love one another. Was that not the same?
By Kathryn Hall
This is an excerpt from Plant Whatever Brings You Joy: Blessed Wisdom from the Garden by Kathryn Hall. Please visit www.plantwhateverbringsyoujoy.com
This is a lovely article which I hope brings inspiration to many to focus more fully and mindfully on the ways in which we care for ourselves and Other. I would like to add that the key to being able to accomplish this, or at least one essential key, is to learn to discern authentic needs from desires. Much is said about dealing with desire, yet I have very rarely read or heard discussions about authentic needs. As a psychotherapist, and former teacher, here is what I teach my clients (and used to teach my students when they came to me with conflicts and hurts): An authentic need is anything, the deprivation of which, over a long enough of a time, will cause our well being to diminish. Over a longer period of time, if an authentic need is not satisfied, we will suffer. Not maybe. We will. In working with young children, I found that they very easily related to these ideas. The younger the children (kindergarten, for example), the simpler the language, and the more straight-forward the approach. Children related readily and directly to the notion of getting their needs met, and it is not much of a stretch for them to engage in genuine compassion for others. Once they knew that their needs were recognized and validated, they wanted to support their peers in getting their needs met, too – without any morality lectures. One challenge in learning to shift one’s thinking lies in the language we use. It is very common to say, “I need you to (fill in the blank).” This means, “I want you to (whatever is in the previous blank).” It does not communicate a need. We do not need anyone to do anything for us. We need respect. We need support. We often need help. We need acknowledgement of our good deeds. We do not need aggrandizement. So, discernment is required, and this is a capacity that is developed with maturity. And it is a subject for complete articles and books, so I’ll stop here. I have found in my teaching experience and clinical practice, that learning how to focus on authentic needs, how to recognize them as non-negotiable human rights, how to communicate them effectively, how to ask for them respectfully is a transformative practice. It transformed classroom cultures (i.e., interpersonal dynamics) every time. Every time. When parents are capable of making this shift, it transforms families, as well. It does this because the energies are being dedicated to taking care.