Giving is what you do when you realize just how much you’re taking.
Rabbi Rami | December 2011 Issue
One way to understand the nature of giving is to talk with those whose lives are devoted to asking. Panhandlers and charity fundraisers will tell you it’s all about guilt. Prosperity preachers will tell you it’s all about greed. True, they don’t offer this information right away, but if you speak with them long enough…
Ever wonder why charities devoted to feeding starving children parade clients on television, their bellies swollen, their faces covered with flies they somehow cannot muster the strength to swat away? Isn’t it enough to know that kids are starving? Do we really have to be guilted into giving by watching video footage of their suffering? Maybe we do.
And if guilt doesn’t work, try greed. That’s the idea behind the Prosperity Gospel.
God—despite the fact that camels do not pass through the eyes of needles—wants you to be rich, and the way you get rich is by giving money to those preachers who are already rich. God, they promise you, will return your gift a thousandfold. So give, not because it’s right, but because it’s a good investment, in this world and the next.
So, is that it? Is giving a matter of assuaging guilt or feeding greed? Let me suggest a third option. True giving—without an ulterior motive—happens when you realize the enormity of your taking.
The fact is that just about everything you have and are is a gift from someone or something else. Consider your body. Not only didn’t you make it, you have no idea how to run it. If you had to make your heart beat manually or fire the synapses of your brain or even grow your own toenails, could you? Of course not. These capacities are a gift from nature, along with sunlight, rainstorms, the rotation of the planet and gravity.
How about your feelings? Feelings arise of their own accord in response to situations (both internal and external) over which you have little, if any, control. You may pretend to choose your feelings, but the truth is, by the time you know what you feel, you’ve already felt the feeling without choosing it at all. Feelings are a gift.
The same is true of thoughts. While you can deliberately choose to think one thing or another, most of your thinking is unconscious, and as with feelings, by the time you know what you’re thinking, the thought has already been thought, and you had nothing to do with it.
The words you speak, the ideas you hold, the beliefs you cherish—most, if not all, of these have been gifted to you by others. Few of us ever have an original idea, and those who do are often insane.
Look at the people in your life. Without your boss, co-workers and customers, you couldn’t earn your living. Without cashiers, waitresses, bank tellers, salespeople, police, politicians and government bureaucrats, life would be much more difficult. Without the person who holds the elevator for you, or helps you pick up dropped papers or simply smiles at you in a way that reminds you that you exist, your life would be far more troubled—and without the gifts of love and friendship, far more bleak.
Do you deserve any of these things? Have you really earned any of them? No. They are gifts given that you just take.
While I doubt it’s possible to live without giving, it is clearly impossible to live without taking. And if you understand the nature of taking, you will find giving completely natural. Forget guilt and greed, giving is simply what you do with all the taking you’ve done.
Giving is nothing but the flip side of getting. When you realize the extent to which you have been gifted, you suddenly discover the reason behind it all: giving. There is no other purpose to your life than this. You get only in order to give. You are simply God’s (or nature’s) way of giving.
How about that “purpose-driven” life? Forget finding some unique gift that you alone bring to the planet. Forget fantasies of God blessing you with something special to do, which, if you don’t do it, leaves humanity somehow poorer. You are simply nature’s delivery driver, giving away everything you have been given. Humbling, isn’t it? Liberating also.
When you imagine giving is something special, there is the danger of sanctimony, pride and smugness. “There but for the grace of God” is often code for “God loves me; I wonder what’s wrong with this poor wretch?” But when you realize you are dependent upon taking, and giving is just what you are here to do, you discover there is nothing special about you. And that may be the greatest gift you’ll ever receive.
Rabbi Rami (rabbirami.com) lives in Middle Tennessee, where he takes far more than he can ever give.
Photo: Ed Yourdon via Flickr
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Love it. As someone trying to decide what meaning to give to my life, well thought out pieces like this are so much help. Thank you.
Wonderful thoughts…. Your opinion makes people think about their lives and their future. Don`t stop trying to make the world a better place. online european roulette
When we give we are in every way getting, because as you give away from yourself things by order of divine grace return to you. Someone or thing is giving away from themselves to give to you, so, there is order in the chos of living, that order comes simple from giving.
In one sense, what is stated here is accurate and correct. We take a lot unknowingly and we also give back unknowingly. I like where this article goes far better than I do where it begins from because it enables or encourages us to take a step back and see our lives from a much larger and broader perspective, one in which all life is inextricably connected.
However, I also feel that the contention that giving is a response to awareness of taking (which really is a kind of guilt) does not adequately describe the truth. I believe humans are naturally imbued with the desire to give, which is an expression of the desire to be loved. And I mean to give consciously, not subconsciously. The problem is that the element of humans innate fear of death competes with the innate desire to love, and hence, we have within us a tendency to horde and keep to ourselves. Religions teach us to temper this desire by giving of ourselves. But giving in the most authentic sense is not taught, only cultivated and nurtured. What complicates matters in today’s world is that most external influences, from parents to peers to media, all encourage us through both behavior and words, to protect ourselves from others because, as they see it, the world is not a safe place. Hence, the desire to give gets overriden. And when it is taught and encouraged by others, it is indeed in the form of guilt to temper and partially reverse the training we have already gotten not to give. Obviously, this leads to confusion and to clash, which is so profusely apparent in the culture of the young today, in the music and the other forms of expression that exist.
And I mean to give consciously, not subconsciously. The problem is that the element of humans innate fear of death competes with the innate desire to love, and hence, we have within us a tendency to horde and keep to ourselves.
I like where this article goes far better than I do where it begins from because it enables or encourages us to take a step back and see our lives from a much larger and broader perspective, one in which all life is inextricably connected.
Don’t know if I totally agree, but interesting thoughts. Ultimately you talk about giving and taking as a form of exchange, which I would partly agree with, even though it is a little individualistic. However, this is what I don’t agree with:
“Do you deserve any of these things? Have you really earned any of them? No. They are gifts given that you just take.”
Especially in relationships with bosses, customers, co-workers, it is of course a give and take. How could everyone else be the ones who are giving, and you are the only one who is taking? I think that being a part of a community is recognizing that we both take – but also give – and that that is what makes it work. Most things are an exchange, and that it is not wrong.
I am also unsure that your “nature argument” convinces me it is right and good to give. You say we should give to others, in exchange for what nature has given us? It would make more sense to give back to nature. In the same way that it would be unjust to pay Peter for something we received from Paul.
And lastly, I think the arguments in general remove too much personal responsibility. As in: If you work hard, you aren’t really making those decisions — it’s your body. So you didn’t earn that. And if you are lazy, well that’s okay because it isn’t your fault. I disagree. Obviously we are influenced by things outside of our control. But living in a way that denies personal responsibility is a recipe for individual and community-wide failure.